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The "what if" trap

Once in a while, someone close to me says something about how things might have been. My brain loves those statements because then it jumps into figuring out an alternate timeline. The trap is the emotional response those thoughts generate. Regret, sadness, frustration, and discontent are common followers to the sense of happiness that hearing someone wishes she could have chosen me.

I have a decent amount of ex-girlfriends. I have a few ex-fiancés as well. There is plenty of room in my brain for the what if game. The difference I am learning as get older is that our brains treat fantasy and reality as the same if you keep reinforcing the fantasy by repetition. So it really is self inflicted torture on yourself and the person you are with to keep comparing what IS against what IF.

It doesn't diminish the love I feel for her or my wife. Love doesn't automatically translate into a need to act on desire. Sometimes, really loving someone is why you don't act on that desire. Their happiness is more important than any lust.

I guess that I really am an older, wiser me.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

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