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Recognition, humility, and isolation

So, I got an award today. The Red Tail Top 3 (it's the Senior NCO Professional Organization for Air Force personnel at Balad AB, Iraq) selected me as the "Unsung Hero" for my work in Force Protection. I just got recognized for doing my job and simply having good timing when it came to things blowing up. I put barriers around a storage site two days before it blew up. I'll admit that it saved lives and property, but that's what putting barriers around things is for. I don't feel like it was worth being singled out and recognized for. I guess that's why they pushed the whole "unsung" aspect.

I don't like being given awards for just doing my job. Somehow telling people that you don't deserve an award makes them think you are humble or something. Ask my ex-girlfriends, I'm not terribly humble. Arrogant was a word attached to me by many an Ex.

Internally, I'm trying to hold on. I start volunteering at the clinic tomorrow. Most people ask to do patient movement, but I asked to do Mental Health. I figure its the only way to do anything related to my real job while out here.

There is a growing sense that I will be redefining my self image over the next little while. I know I have drifted far from my old definitions, but that its not a bad thing. I still wish for things I can't have, but strive towards being someone worth remembering fondly.

In many ways, that makes me feel very alone in my office. Not too many introverts in the office.

I feel like I am on the edge of something...
I can almost see it in my dreams...

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November 2012
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